June 30, 2002

Leading thespian Adam Sandlar, having established himself as Hollywood’s leading male actor following his moving update Mr.Deeds (revisiting the 1936 Frank Capra classic Mr. Deeds Goes to Town) has his sights set on even greater dramatic challenges. Or so unsubstantiated rumours would have us believe.

Sandlar’s next project is tentatively titled “Hammy,” a modern look at the Shakespearean standard, Hamlet. Our drunken sources tell us Sandlar will play a confused lifeguard, son of a leading head-of-state and heir to billions, whose father dies under mysterious circumstances. The Sandlar character will become despondent which leads to zany antics and shenanigans. His mother (reportedly to be played by Sir Anthony Hopkins) remarries and Sandlar shows his displeasure by trying to have sex with her. The film will conclude with Sandlar engaged in a fart challenge to the death with Kevin Smith (playing himself).

Other upcoming Sandlar projects include:

“Gone With My Wind” in which Sandlar plays “a classy southern gentleman” with flatulence issues. The film concludes with Sandlar setting the city of Atlanta on fire with an enormous fart.

Also in the works is “Close Encounters with My Behind” in which Sandlar plays an alien character with an overlarge bottom. The film concludes with Sandlar setting North America on fire with an enormous fart.

Finally, “Titanic – My Big Bum” is in the works for late 2004. In this film, Sandlar plays a character with a fat butt who takes a cross-Atlantic cruise on a really big boat. The film concludes with Sandlar sinking the ship after setting it on fire with an enormous fart.

Clearly, there are more than a few Oscars in Adam’s future.

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